Awkward Boy (trying too hard)

I was with a couple of friends yesterday, and one of them brought their friend.
I have never seen someone try so hard and fail so miserably. Everything that anyone said, here he comes with some off the wall comments that he obviously thought would get a reaction. Each comment did get a reaction, but not what he was looking for, probably. It caused most people to get annoyed now each time he opened his mouth. It was painful to observe this. I could see through each of his attempts to make a foray into the conversation, that all he wanted was for someone to laugh at his joke, agree with his opinion. But in reality, he really needed one of us to acknowledge him, validate him, say 'It's ok, I know that you are here, you are uneasy, and you need to be reassured. So relax.'

We know, though, that in most social settings, there is never a way to do this.

What was interesting though, is that when I walked away, I really had to ponder what had troubled me so about being in the presence of this awkward person. I searched until I realized it: The pain in watching this character fall on his face again and again had to do with that I have been there before. I have been that person that, whether it was obvious through my words, or actions, was hoping and looking for acceptance in his peers. I have been the kid that really hopes that someone likes what he says, laughs at his jokes, etc., either because that person was so witty or smart or charming in their form of braggadocio that I secretly envied it, and wanted it for myself. I wanted to be the person basking in the sunlight of acceptance.

I especially remember always thinking, in regards one of my cousins, 'This guy is incredibly funny. I will never ever think to say anything as witty or funny as what just falls out of his mouth. I wish that I could be like'.

Then I realized that people were noticing me, albeit maybe not for the right reason. Essentially, it was obvous that I was trying to hard. Once I came to that conclusion, I decided not to fight hard to get other people's approval, but strive diligently to be worthy of my own acceptance. I am eccentric, and nonconformist, and you just have to accept that if you are going to be in my presence.

And now, I do command positive attention in my circles, and I do feel accepted in my own skin.

I wish that I could sit Awkward Boy down and explain this to him, and let him know that he doesn't have to work so hard, but the self development that I gained from the realization of what I was doing wrongly has taught me lessons that I will always appreciate.

To my geeks, misfits, weird kids, dorks, and weird kids (which all of us are at some point) - Rock on, your time will come.