Stupid girls and their stupid boyfriends

Stupid Girls and their Stupid boyfriends

There are a few types of stupid girls and they mostly gain or accentuate their stupidity via their stupid boyfriends. I was in high school when this girl asked me to call up her boyfriend and inform him that she was breaking up with him. Being the friend that I was, I did this. (This was another one of my Jessica Simpson moments. I concede this in retrospect.)
I called. He said that he was going to come to school (well, actually, visit, since he was non-high-school-student drug dealer) to shoot me. I reasoned:
a. this could be the most excitement in my school day.
b. By the time the security desk dealt with him, where my aunt worked, someone would alert me to any danger.
c. If worse came to worse, I had every right to use this girl as a human shield. (cowardly, yes, appropriate, yes)
She falls into the first category of stupid girls, which is the “I am now important because I have a boyfriend” girl. When she is alone, she is meek, sullen sometimes, not too aloof, and dotes over her friends. When she is with boyfriend, she feels elevated to star status, as if she is being hounded by paparazzi. Yes, people are looking at her, but looking at how ridiculous she looks. It’s like she is in one of those slow motion revelries in romantic movies, running across a field to her stupid boyfriend, except that she is just really galloping toward his car in the school parking lot. The boyfriend is a means for her to get attention, she reasons. She might have been fed this information by her stupid boyfriend, or even by some of her equally stupid friends, but ultimately, she lives and dies to have someone on her side to maintain her importance.
She differs from the next type of stupid girl, the “I have a purpose in life now that I am with someone” girl. Similar to the girl before, she was amicable before being paired up with her stupid boyfriend. Her “boyfriendedness” absorbs her and she beomces this mass of stupid loving doting affection for him. Her sole concern is making her stupid boyfriend’s each moment better than the last. No matter what. If her boyfriend told her to wear a shirt that says “My boyfriend is a god and he took pity on me by going out with me. I am not worthy. I am stupid” she would wear this shirt with pride to her wedding and ask to be buried in it for her funeral. She has classic abuse victim behavior. She worries me. Her stupid boyfriend is king in her stupid little world because he is a peon anywhere else.
The third stupid girl is probably the scariest of them all. She is the female side of the “SuperCouple”, so I guess that she is “Supergirl”. They have some strong quality in common. They are either either really smart, athletic, sarcastic, stupid, or Goth, regardless, they end up really stupid. Together. Collectively. Supergirl gloats in the perfection of her relationship. She sees the imperfections of her man and herself, and speaks openly about them, seemingly believing that this acceptance of the imperfection times his acceptance of his equals perfections. Negative times negative does equal positive, but this case is more like negative fraction times negative fraction equals positive fraction with smaller absolute value. Like - ¼ * - ¼ = 1/16. True, 1/16 is positive, but it’s ½ of one slice of pizza in comparison to the pie. That works well if you are on a binge purge diet. My point exactly. The supercouple reminds me of vomit.
The issue with stupid girls is always the problem of their stupid boyfriends. They all tend to be overly jealous. Here’s a list of reasons why they have no reason to be jealous (except of other stupid guys who might want to take their throne of stupidity):
1. No one wants your girlfriend.
2. #1 is true because she settled for you or because she became a stupid girl because of you.
3. There is always some girl that is not stupid who is more desirable than your girl.
4. You look incredibly stupid being jealous over a girl who lost most of her cool points because of settling for you or becoming stupid for you.
5. You are insecure and are easily manipulated due to this weakness.
6. I think that you are close to what the missing link would be.
7. If I could materialize your worth to me, it would take the form of hamster crap. My dislike for you would take the form of a large active volcano.
8. I hope to never become like you and if I do, I give permission to anyone to terminate my physical existence, because my mental existence would have to have ended to allow this to occur.
9. Since many of you try to replace your lack of brain power with brawn, here are two important facts on that note:
a. Big muscles don’t make you better.
b. Big muscles don’t cover your face.
10. No one is scared of you; we’re just scared at the thought that your sperm may be fertile.

Not like I am venting or anything like that.

I went out with a stupid girl once. On the second date, after she suggested that we go play video games together (this is in college), I decided to leave her early before I would have to vomit on her for her sheer ineptitude. Pretty gentleman-like, no?